My love affair...

I remember in my younger years, i used to dream of meeting this Someone. That Someone created only by the very beating of my heart and by every thought in my mind. That Someone Whose image can only be formed by the strongest of my faith.. of faith in love and in life.

I thought of Him immensely that it eats me up to my last longings. And up to now I yearned for Him with every breath of me that I wonder, how such longing can last when each day that I wake up is a realization - 'this is not the day'. Ironically, the more that I realize I will not be seeing him anytime sooner, the more that I become hopeful..

It's true what they say.. there are things in this life that are made permament just as there are things that are not meant to last. My yearnings for Him stopped. Not that it stopped entirely but that it stopped growing. In fact, it almost faded out to plain memory.

It's funny how things come into place the least you expect them to. It was May of 1997, my heart is still. Still from desires and longings. I thought I was happy with what I have. Until I finally met Him.. It happened all too fast. He invited me for a getaway.. Without thinking twice, I went. It was against my Mother's will but I went nonetheless.

The first day, I was having second thoughts. I felt uncomfortable. But I thought to myself, there is no turning back now. I made the decision, and am not about to give up on it. Just as I have always dreamed and thought of Him, i saw it true that He always has His way of making everything feel so fine. The second day, I gave in. Every minute is but another reason for me to love Him more and more. Every question that was playing around my mind all my life met their answers. My confusions settled. My wearied heart and troubled mind found their rest. And as young as I was then, I found myself standing exactly where I wanted to be. In complete surrender to Him and His love. Three nights and 4 days went by so fast. How I yearned for that moment to last forever. But we both know it can't. We have to go back to our own lives. We have to move on. It hurt the last day knowing that the moment we part, we are not to have exactly the same chance ever again... not again. But we parted with a promise. His promise to me that He will await my coming and I to journey back to Him. That, I believe is enough for me to last my lifetime, waiting for that grand day that I will finally unite with Him and never to leave His side.

It brought both sadness and joy to my heart going back home. It gave me joy that my family and the people I hold dear to my heart were there to welcome me home. It only saddens me that in such a short time, I could feel indifferent. Especially to Richard. He was the person closest to my heart and yet, I felt so distant. But just as he always have been, he was ready to understand. I know in my heart I may not be able to love Richard more than Him. And I know he knows that, but he loves me nevertheless. I on the other hand promise myself, to love Richard for the rest of my days. I may only love Richard next to Him, but I will love my Richard above all else.